Healing the Self and Laws of Attraction

Lisa Jackson, MA, LPCC, NCC, CEP, CWK
Spiritual Psychotherapist
http://www.healinghearttherapies.com/

There are so many articles, books, and discussions about “laws of attraction.” Have you heard about this theory yet? It’s basically the idea that what you believe, think, and feel you attract to yourself. As an energy practitioner I ‘see’ this pattern emerge constantly. People who feel depressed and live in the belief something is wrong with them inevitably seem to ‘attract’ the most incredible stream of negative things into their lives. Conversely I have seen people make attempts at ‘attracting’ what they want by changing their requests to the universe, “Source bring me a better job” and still no changes. Why is that? If the “law of attraction” is intended to be a response to our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs why is change not instantaneous?

The “law of attraction” is a valid theory and there are people who have mastered the concept to the point of exception. However, at least from my point of view, there are several layers we must address before we are fully aligned in a manner that we are able to “attract” more positive things into our lives.

Foremost, the idea of “law of attraction” represents the alignment of our energy bodies toward our highest good. Getting to that place of alignment is often a journey into the darker realms of our souls. A journey of deep self exploration that eventually leads us toward greater insight into our ways of being in the world; giving rise to changing our ways of interacting with others, changing our behaviors, our beliefs, and even our feelings. In more concrete terms, once we have healed our emotional wounds (on all levels) we are free to live an exceptional life.

There are at least three aspects involved in our healing process that lead us toward greater alignment; psychological, physical, and spiritual. Addressing each of these realms of our experience sets us on a path toward “an exceptional life.”

Psychological Health: To fully address our psychological health we must be able to understand all the factors that contribute to our emotional and mental wellbeing; ‘emotional’ referring to our inner most feelings and expression of those feelings; ‘mental’ referring to our thought process which is intimately linked to our emotional responses. Throughout life we experience events and interactions that leave lasting wounds. How deep these wounds are has a lot to do with how old we are at the time of the event or interaction, our emotional state at the time, and factors like how loved or vulnerable we felt in general prior to the event. None the less these wounds make an impression often leading to the birth of a new belief. That belief alters our behavior in an effort to protect or avoid such events from happening again and eventually our brain develops a pattern of processing every time a similar event occurs, or we believe is occurring. In association with this process usually an emotional response is attached. The initial emotional response and the learned emotional response. The initial emotional response is the first reaction to the event or interaction, the learned emotional response is what we develop as a ‘coping’ mechanism. To gain psychological health some believe it is necessary to understand the origins of our developed ‘coping’ mechanisms and to connect with the original emotion associated with the event or interaction. Through our insight of the experience (from an alternative perspective) we develop new skills that allow us to alter our emotional reactions in a healthier more authentic way. In order to begin the process toward greater alignment we must start with addressing our emotional wounds and the psychological manifestation of those wounds such as depression, anxiety, addictions, and/or other mental health concerns. The work begins…

Physical Health: There are parts of our physical health we are completely responsible for; nourishing ourselves with appropriate foods and liquids and avoiding exposure to toxins we understand to be harmful to our physical wellbeing. Often people who experience a lack of emotional and psychological balance manifest poor physical health as a natural expression of that imbalance. Simply avoiding things that are not healthy to us is not always enough. Sometimes we must make an extra effort to find better health. Whether we admit it to ourselves or not we all know when we are treating our bodies poorly. Being willing to take charge of our physical health can be a challenge and that challenge increases when we are not in balance in other areas as well. A willingness to care for our bodies is a powerful statement that reflects a level of self love and a belief we are worthy of wellness and care.

Spiritual Health: This aspect of our wellbeing may seem more elusive than the previous areas. Spiritual health, in my mind, is the development of a deep trust both in ones authentic self and in a higher entity, being, energy, source, or spirit…whatever one wishes to call it. As a side note: The purpose of naming "it" at all allows us to discuss the ideas associated with "it" but also brings us into greater alignment when we do. Consider when someone talks about something they are passionate about, their energy increases, they are more focused and clear thinking, and have a positive feeling pulsing through them…the energy resulting from their expression is a form of higher vibration that manifests as a result of that passionate feelings.

The same, I believe, holds true when we discuss our various versions of a “higher source.” For some people this can be a religious practice, for others, a simple acknowledgement of something more. I generally think of this ‘higher source’ as the structure that keeps all matter from floating off into space. I prefer to think of this energy not as human-like but as a highly refined energy source that is without any human overlays – in other words, no judgment, no fear, no passion, and no agenda. In essence without any humanized projections this energy presents as pure love – the absence of all other ‘stuff.’ This ‘energy’ vibrates at such a high level it is in essence imperceptible. By healing our old emotional wounds, clearing our thinking process, and caring for our bodies we begin to achieve a higher level of vibration…we are now propelling toward that higher energy and greater spiritual development.

Healing of any kind is not absolute. It never happens in a straight line. More likely we manage to address certain aspects of our healing and growth at certain times and move forward then back a million times. The point however, is that the more we work at each layer of healing, the more we shift our vibration to be more like “higher source energy” - and the more likely we are able to manifest that healing in concrete terms. As we have greater healing we begin choosing those things in our outer world that more accurately reflect our inner world. This, in my mind, is the essence of the “law of attraction.”

What You Might Not Know About Depression

Blue, down, bummed out, sad, regretful, lost…these are some of the words that come to mind when we talk about ‘depression.’ We’ve all experienced periods in our lives when we have felt saddened by events we’ve had no control over, disappointed by the outcome of something important to us, or deeply saddened by a loss. Usually this form of ‘depression’ has a fairly short life. We are able to find support and shift our view of the ‘problem’ enough that we eventually feel better. In the meantime we are generally functioning pretty well. We go to school, work, maintain our responsibilities, and our relationships are relatively unaffected by our “feelings.” This form of depression is typically referred to as ‘situational depression,’ and like the name implies, is generally a short term, mild form of depression associated with a particular situation in our lives. However, there are some forms of depression that aren’t easily understood or managed.

Bipolar I & Bipolar II: Also known as Manic Depressive Disorder, Bipolar I is typically characterized by episodes of extreme shifts in mood alternating from very high to very low. Alternations in mood can have a general pattern (e.g. 2 months depressed, 2 weeks manic), a seasonal pattern (e.g. depression worsens in winter months), or can be rapid cycling (e.g. mood changes daily, weekly, or monthly in rapid succession). High or elevated moods are referred to as Mania. Manic symptoms generally include an abnormally elevated mood, which may also include, feelings of elation, increased irritability, insomnia, grandiosity, rapid speech, racing thoughts, heightened sexual desires, increased energy, poor judgment, and at times inappropriate social behaviors. Depression can be mild to severe and include psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations or delusional thinking. Bipolar II includes alternating moods between Depression and symptoms of Hypomania. Hypomania is a less severe form of mania. Someone with Hypomania may experience elevations in mood without the same intensity as seen with Mania. Onset for Bipolar disorders is typically late adolescents/young adult hood (average age is 21 years old) with increases in occurrences over time. Bipolar disorders affect both men and women, and occur across all ethnicities. Family history of depression, bipolar disorders, and other mental health diagnoses is common among people with the disorder, however, there is no conclusive link between family history and the disorder. People with Bipolar disorder have an increased rate of substance abuse, which generally occurs in an effort to control or manage symptoms.

Cyclothymia: Similar to Bipolar Disorders, Cyclothymia is a chronic mood disorder characterized by numerous periods of depression and hypomanic symptoms. Cyclothymia differs from Bipolar in that symptoms are typically experienced without reprieve for at least two years.

Dysthymia: A person with Dysthymia will experience a low mood for more days than not for a period of at least two years. Low mood may include feelings of hopelessness, impaired cognitive functioning.( e.g. hard time concentrating, hard time in making decisions ), loss of appetite or overeating, low energy or fatigue, low self-esteem, and problems with sleep. (too much or too little sleep).

Major Depression: The severe form of Dysthymia, Major Depression can become disabling if not treated properly. Major depression is typically characterized by the same symptoms as Dysthymia with the added intensity as well as loss of motivation, loss of pleasure in things, feelings of worthlessness and guilt, recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

Contributing Factors: Although there are no conclusive causes of Depression there are many contributing factors that play a role in the severity, duration, and frequency of the symptoms of depression. Contributing factors can also play a large role in overall treatment approach. A common factor in symptoms of depression is loss. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a job, a beloved pet, moving to a new home, getting married, getting divorced; any major change/loss/transition can trigger symptoms of depression or worsen existing symptoms or disorders. The use of substances (drugs and alcohol) can affect mood significantly. Some people with childhood depression may begin using substances early on in an effort to control their moods/feelings. Conversely, some people who use substances may experience symptoms of depression as a result of the drugs natural effects on the brain and bodies functioning. It is very common for people who experience symptoms of depression to have a known family history of mental health issues. However, not all people who experience depression will have a family member with the same symptoms. Sometimes a person with depression may have a family history of anxiety or substance abuse. Typically people who experience symptoms of depression have poor coping skills; meaning that when events occur that trigger feelings of depression the person is often unable to access resources that support them. For example a person who experiences a negative event may withdraw from others and isolate. The more they isolate the more the symptoms of depression increase. Without support that helps the person cope with their feelings, over time the person may become reclusive and have difficulty leaving their homes. Sleep problems are a significant issue in all types of depression. Both in that lack of sleep can be a trigger for depression and symptoms of depression can lead to excessive sleepiness or general poor sleep hygiene. If you have problems with sleep it’s important to rule out medical causes such as sleep apnea or mild seizure disorders. Poor nutrition is another important factor in mental health. Again working both as a result and a possible contributing factor to depression. People who are depressed tend to either overeat or under-eat. Typically eating comfort foods or imbalanced meals, or conversely not getting enough nutrients to support a healthy mind and body. Medical conditions including hormone irregularities (also postpartum), certain autoimmune disorders, certain neurological disorders, chronic pain disorders, and any other chronic health issues can contribute to symptoms of depression.

Ages & Stages: For certain disorders there are typical ages of onset. However it’s important to note that general types of depression can present in A-typical ways at different age levels. In the most general terms for example, childhood depression may present as an overanxious child, a child who is clingy, has problems sleeping, seems hyperactive, or has more irritability than one might expect. Children with depression may not seem ‘sad’ but might have problems with concentration at school. They may be easily distracted and have difficulty following tasks. These symptoms can be similar to ADHD. In adolescents depression may present with increased irritability, agitation, defiance, withdrawal/isolation, substance use, lack of motivation, lack of focus, loss of interest in things, frequent headaches, body aches, or general reports of not feeling well. In adulthood symptoms present in the most typical manner as described in the above definitions. In the elderly, depression is very common. In addition to the possibility of numerous medical conditions and treatments the elderly are often faced with loss and isolation. The elderly will typically present with depression that reflects great sadness and grief.

Treatments: In treating depression it is important to know what type of depression one is dealing with; as well as taking into account possible contributing factors, the age and typical developmental stage a person might be before taking the next step. Licensed counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists are all qualified to make a mental health diagnosis. If the patient is a child or elderly person the evaluation should be completed by a person who specializes in those developmental stages. Counselors are typically equipped to provide therapeutic guidance for people with depression. In counseling one may learn new ways of seeing their problems, may develop improved coping skills, and may find relief in having some outside supports. Psychologists generally provide testing and assessments that can more accurately determine types and severity of mental health problems. In some states Psychologists may prescribe medications and provide counseling. Psychiatrists rarely provide counseling. Their role is to treat mental health symptoms medically – usually with psychotropic medications. A general rule of thumb in treating all forms of mental health issues include an increase in physical activity and improvement in nutritional health. There are also numerous alternative treatments; including acupuncture, amino acid/nutritional therapies, mediation, energy work such as Reiki, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), body work, and N.E. T. (Neuro-Emotional Technique).

If you, or someone you know is experiencing persistent or serious symptoms of depression there is help. Please consider getting a mental health evaluation and rule out any possible medical causes. Untreated depression can lead to long term health problems, substance abuse issues, and a life of pain. There is help and it is possible to heal from depression.

Lisa K. Jackson, MA, LPCC, NCC, CEP, CWK

http://www.lightguided.com/

Ten Ways to Improve Your Mood

1. Become a thought watcher
Next time you find yourself in a foul, down, blue or otherwise unproductive mood pay attention to your thoughts. What are they telling you? What do you notice about how you feel when you think those thoughts? Does one event lead you toward a downward spiral of negative thinking? As you become more attuned to your thinking patterns and reactions to those patterns you can begin to take steps to shift from negative thinking toward thoughts that will improve your mood. Remember, where thoughts go energy follows. So if you spend a lot time thinking about things that cause you to feel distressed or sad, then you will likely feel distressed and/or sad.

2. Action leads to motivation
There is nothing harder than doing the dishes, cleaning the house, or running errands when you’re feeling down. A lot of times we wait and wait and wait to feel better before taking on any tasks, especially those we’d rather not do. The difficulty is, the longer we wait to feel better the longer we put off things that need doing, the larger the tasks become, and the worse we feel. In the end sometimes we just have to pull ourselves out of our comfort zone and do what needs to be done, even if we don’t feel like it. Most times you’ll notice an immediate improvement in how you feel, which can then motivate you to go on to the other things you’ve been putting off.

3. Restore beauty
Are you one of those people who, when you start to feel bad, you put off everything from cleaning the house to washing your hair? Restoring beauty is similar to ‘action leads to motivation’ but with an emphasis on self care and improving the quality of your immediate environment. When you feel down washing your hair, putting on your favorite cloths, and straightening up your living space, office, desk, or car…can all improve your mood. Our visual senses take in a lot of information. When we are surrounded by pleasurable looking things it’s easier to feel good.

4. Improve your gratitude
One of the quickest ways I know to get out of a bad mood is to focus on what I am grateful for. This is not an easy practice but it’s a great way to shift gears; and usually an improved mood can be sustained for a while. You might have to force this one a little bit at first. For example if you are in a bad mood it would be an improvement just to have gratitude that the guy in the speeding car who just swished past you didn’t scratch your car or drive you off the road. Starting with little annoyances will allow you to build a list of things you are grateful for. Remember even if you think you have nothing to be grateful for don’t be afraid to fake it. Make stuff up until you can really start to see those precious things you are grateful for.

5. Contribute something meaningful
Like gratitude -- sharing something of meaning with others can be uplifting not only to our moods but also to our spirits’. If you are an extrovert look for a local cause that interests you and volunteer for an hour. If engaging with strangers is not your cup of tea consider a friend or family member who might benefit from your generosity. Perhaps you can pick up some groceries for your elderly aunt, or offer to take the neighbors trash to the curb, or read a favorite book to your daughter when she least expects it. If you are comfortably able, make a donation, plant a tree, water a flower, rescue a pound animal. The point is to find something that is meaningful to you and giving it your time and attention.

6. Get creative
Listen to music, make a collage, sew, plant a garden, learn to needlepoint, write a poem, paint, read a book and write your thoughts about it…this is an area that is totally open to you to explore. If you worry you lack in creative talent but always wanted to paint, take a class – or better yet buy a giant box of crayons and go to town with some oversized paper. Rearrange a cupboard, color coordinate your closet, change some of the pictures on your wall, or go through old photos and frame them. There is no one way to express yourself creatively; giving yourself permission just to have fun is a huge first step toward feeling a lot better.

7. Develop a ‘happiness’ routine
You’re probably wondering “what in the heck is a ‘happiness’ routine.” A happiness routine is a series of activities you do in a short amount of time give you feelings of pleasure. For example, my happiness routine consists of lighting favorite incense. Sometimes I will add music, or writing time, read a chapter in a favorite book, or grab up one of my healing rocks and put in my pocket. I have several things I do individually or in combination that make up my happiness routine. For me scent is the quickest route. I will sometimes use certain sprays that are lightly scented which I associate with feeling good; such as rose water.

8. Eat for your health
If you are anything like me you gravitate toward the junk food the minute you’re in a funk. It has taken me years of modifying my habits to be able to eat more nutritious foods when I’m in a mood. Some of my little tricks are to keep unsweetened carob chips around the house when I am desperate; but mostly I have turned around my habit of heading for the junk food into a desire to eat healthier when I’m feeling badly. Over the years I noticed the worse I ate the worse my moods became. Now I try to think of what food will lift my overall health and help balance out my moods. Besides my emergency stash of carob chips, I have started to make elaborate stews, roasted veggies, and other warming, comforting treats. When I eat them and know I am getting good nourishment it makes me feel better that I am taking good care of myself. There are certain foods to stay away from when you’re feeling down – high sugar or excessively starchy foods which can cause your blood sugar to spike and drop further adding to your bad mood. Generally speaking, there are also hundreds of nutritional supplements that can improve your mood. Consult with a professional to learn more about the kinds of natural mood remedies available to you.

9. Lets get physical
By far the hardest one for me. I can’t stand to exercise and I certainly can’t stand the gym. But if you feel uplifted there then by all means get moving. There are a couple of key things about physical activity and improving mood. First of all you don’t have to go overboard. Literally a little movement can go a long way. Do some stretches, dance around your house to a favorite song, take a walk, do laundry, or any other thing that gets you moving. Another important factor is to make sure you get plenty of sunlight and water.

10. Commit to trying something different
The most important thing if you have ongoing problems with your mood -- if you feel down more often than not and nothing you try seems to help try something different! Consider therapy, energy healing, acupuncture, body work, or any other ‘thing’ that appeals to you. The point is a negative or depressed mood doesn’t have to rule your life. You have a choice to make it better and there are many, many, options that can help. If you feel your mood severely impacts your daily life please get professional help.

Self Care, Self Love:
Two Paths toward Happiness

As mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, employees, care providers, creators, magicians (just making sure you’re still with me…but we know it’s true; wink, wink), we give so much of ourselves without thinking twice about it. When Friday roles around we wonder why we’re so exhausted. Or maybe we actually know why we’re exhausted. We might be so knee deep in giving that we find ourselves depleted and with barely enough energy left over to devote to ourselves - once all the myriad of things to do are finally done! In some ways we have little choice about our giving; it’s built into our DNA, it’s our biological nature! We are after all the givers and nurtures of life. Of course our DNA had no idea we’d also have to hold down fulltime jobs, mow the lawns, drive the three kids to soccer, participate in the PTA, do yoga twice a week, grocery shop, see our therapist, and walk the family dog every night. None-the-less we need not apologize for being loving-giving women. That said, we are as important as anyone in our lives and we are meant to be shown respect, love, and kindness, not only from those to whom we give so freely, but also a recognition from ourselves that we are worthy and deserving of our own best loving.

There are lots of wonderful ways we can be loving to ourselves. For some of us it’s a five minute bit of down time at the end of the day, a nice dinner out, a weekend away, a hug to/from our spouse, a good book, a hot bath…you get the point. These are the things I put in the category of self care (a very important part of our lives as women). We all have a few of these special little things can we do to take care of ourselves, lift our spirits, and give us back a little energy…and we are happier for them. Usually, so are our kids, and our mates as well. In all our daily routines to keep life flowing smoothly we can generally integrate a few little bits of happiness in the form of a self care practice or ritual. There are tons of books on the subject of self care especially geared toward women. I know this because I own most of them! I am an avid self help book reader. They are really helpful too. I’ve gotten a ton of ideas and new ways of thinking about things that have helped me take better care of myself over the years. And believe me during in the early years as a single parent in graduate school with a part time job and an over anxious child I needed all the help I could get.

But there is another less talked about form of self care; I call self love. You might be wondering what the difference is between self care and self love. Well first of all they are not exclusive of one another. They each play an important role in our overall wellbeing, long term health, and especially in our feelings of self worth – which is important when as natural givers.

The difference between self care and self love is a fine line between loving our bodies and loving our souls. When we love our bodies, generally speaking, we nurture ourselves with “things”. When we love our souls we are touching a deeper part of our being by saying to our spirit we are truly loveable, loving, worthy, and perfect as we are. In self love we are discovering ways to find a deeper joy in living rather than a moment of peace away from it all. Don’t get me wrong, we all need a moment of peace away from it all from time to time. But, as we grow in love for ourselves, eventually we find that our momentary needs give way to something richer and more sustaining; a feeling of inner-calm - or if you don’t mind the cliché “inner-peace.” Because, when we love ourselves deeply we are more at peace with everything (including ourselves) more of the time. I know, now you’re wondering how you get to that place, right? Well, there are no secret formulas or anything like that…and of course I can only share with you my thoughts and experiences…but now that I’ve brought it up and the idea is fresh in your consciousness you have the opportunity to explore the answers for yourself. Who knows for some of you this may be the beginning of seeking and finding your inner peace. In the meantime, while you’re looking around for that, how about I share some of my thoughts with you on the matter? I’m even going to toss in an exercise at the end if you want to get started right away.

As a therapist I have the privilege of working with people who are willing to step out of their comfort zone and allow me, a virtual stranger, to be a witness to their always amazing human transformation. Now first of all I am not a magician (wink, wink). My clients do not transform because of me…they transform because of their desire to heal. I am merely a facilitator in the process, but I digress. In my work I have observed many people in certain states of being which one could describe as depression, anxiety, or just plain suffering. These individuals tend to suffer regardless of how much money they earn, how much love they receive from others, how many blessings they have in their lives, how many vacations they take, and so on. For many of my clients there is a common link when it comes to suffering…and that is the cycle of resistance they engage in that keeps them from fully loving themselves and from fully enjoying their lives.

The first part of the cycle of resistance generally starts with a feeling or belief that, on some level, we find intolerable. Ever notice for whatever reason, when you’re in a certain feeling/thought space you instantly feel angry, irritable, sad, ungrateful, unloved, and restless! We aren’t always aware of the connection between our thoughts and feelings but believe me they exist for most of us in some way. When we are in these moments it’s very difficult to separate out our feelings from our feelings about our feelings. You can see how things get complicated pretty quickly. The difficulty arises when we move into a place of self judgment about our feeling/thoughts. When we are in judgment we are engaged in a battle of resistance within ourselves…and guess what? We usually come out feeling worse. This battle takes on many forms but generally speaking it’s an engagement in anything that keeps us from simply experiencing our intolerable feelings/thoughts. You may recognize this in yourself or someone close to you. For example when you feel emotionally uncomfortable you may spend a lot of time filling your day with meaningless stuff…taking on more than the usual load. You may notice yourself over spending, over eating, or even over sleeping; basically anything that keeps you out of the feeling. We do this because when we are in judgment of ourselves we are essentially rejecting our very core. When we reject ourselves we experience suffering. When we experience suffering we are compelled to move away from what feels bad, thus perpetuating our self rejection. For some people this cycle can feel overwhelming and eventually develop into long term depression or anxiety disorders.

Here are a few key things to consider:

• Feelings are energy. A feeling cannot in and of itself hurt you.
• The energy of our feelings need to flow.
• When we hold onto or resist the movement of the energy of our emotions we can become emotionally constipated or stuck. Sometimes the opposite will happen and we can become overly sensitive or highly emotional all the time.
• The energy of our feelings constrict in their flow when we are in judgment, in avoidance, and/or in denial of them.

So, on our journey toward self love, we must somehow muster up the courage to face our selves. To allow our feelings to be valid and honored and know that in the process we are giving rise to the possibility of joy. We do this by loving ourselves, our feelings, and our thoughts as much, as deeply, as openly, warmly, and kindly as we do for others. Here are a few steps you can practice to help you along the way.

One of my favorite writers is David Richo, a Buddhist Psychologist, who developed the principle of the five A’s in his book How to Be An Adult. The five A’s are Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing. While studying energy work in Durango, Colorado a few years ago I became intimately familiar with his work during my own journey of growth and self love. Here is a glimpse of that process for you to use in any way that feels healing to you.
Exercise in Self Love: Consider a problem, a difficult feeling, or situation (past or present) that you notice you are struggling with or feeling some amount of suffering/discomfort as a result of.

1. Make a conscious effort to be with this issue. Find a quiet spot where you can get cozy; if possible. Before you get started make a mental note, or write down, on a scale of 1-10, how intense or distressing the feeling of ‘suffering’ is right now as a result of your thoughts, feelings, or situation. (1 = least distressing, 10=most distressing). This is a guide so you can track your overall progress in the reduction of your feelings of suffering.
2. If you would like, write down a few sentences about the issue (or hold it in your mind if that’s easier…like if you are in the shower or something.)
3. Bring your issue fully into your mind. See it. Sit with it. Observe it. Spend a moment giving it your full attention. (The way you might give your attention to your child if she came to you in pain.) Attention is simply being aware of the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play.
4. In being with your thought, feeling, or situation, refrain, best you can from making any judgments about it. If you notice your mind wondering into judgmental territory gently guide your awareness back to the original feeling, thought, or situation. View [it] like you are watching it role by on a movie screen; passing in front of you – just observing the thoughts and feelings as they role along.
5. Now that you are well on your way toward fully experiencing the thought, feeling, or situation, and you have given it adequate attention, take a few deep breaths in and find that soft spot of Acceptance. (This can feel hard at first, but you can just practice by saying “I accept myself as I am in this moment; I accept these difficult feelings...etc.)
6. Once you have given yourself the gift of acceptance take some more breaths and see if you can connect with the feeling of Appreciation. Again see yourself for a moment the way you see your children - think of all the appreciation you have for them – now look to yourself once more and in the space of acceptance of all you are right now, give some appreciation for all your gifts, your limits, your longings, and your poignant human predicament; which may be your own feeling of suffering at the moment.
7. Wow, way to go. You are coming along wonderfully. Now with the same intent in mind bring the feelings of Affection for yourself right to the surface. Watch the uncomfortable feelings in you to shift from fear/shame/guilt/sadness to those you see in a child who have just been given love by a caring grown up. You can also integrate your self-care plans here - show some care and love in any way that feels nurturing to you. This may simply be to say you love yourself, or maybe you just focus on bringing lovingness into your heart.
8. Finally, be in the space of Allowing. Allowing your life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. Allowing yourself to be where you are in the feelings, thoughts, or situation. In the grit of life. Whole and beautiful. In this space you see there is nothing to change or fix. You simply are…so breathe.
   

These are not easy principles to digest or apply to our lives. They take time, consideration, and practice. What they teach us is that we are okay just the way we are…with all our foibles and deficits… in this space of unconditional love we open the door to the freedom to experience ourselves and our lives with joy. I hope in some small way this has been helpful to you. Many blessings, Lisa